Be Careful Of The Question You Ask

I will not tell stupid joke that could hurt people.

I will not tell stupid joke that could hurt people.

I bet you are all wondering why I am writing line on a bright Sunday afternoon.

Because I have a Doctor for a partner who cannot take a silly little joke, that’s why.

I guess I better fill you in on this so it will make since... Ok Sunday is our day to shop I hate shopping with a passion because I don't like crowed doc says cause I am a little claustrophobic. I say because I hate stupid people. Why is it when most people go shopping they kind of get stupid I mean they let their children run free like wild animals, or they stand in the aisles and talk to their neighbor like long lost friends, or who in the hell has to be on a cell phone while shopping talking about who did what to whom and when I mean I don't care if Suzy Q boyfriend knocked up the little sluts at another hood. This Sunday being close to the first of the month the store was packed and only had a few requesters open.

Anyway back to why I am writing lines. We (doc and I) headed to the local Wal-mart to get our stuff that we get every week or so you know the stuff T.P. soap, washing powder, house cleaners, shampoo and conditioners, and well some other stuff you can use your imagination for, Oh yeah we are dog sitting his uncle’s little dog so we had to buy dog food ok so here we are standing in line with a cart full of stuff.

"We forgot something, stay here don't get out of line." Doc told me with a finger that he tapped my nose with. Oh he knows me to well.

"Well hurry." I told him. He just shook his head and took off to the area he needed. Meanwhile I was standing there.

"Do you have a dog," I heard a voice behind me I turn to see a plump woman standing behind us looking at the dog food.

I was going to explain to her but a light when off in my head.

"No, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out most of my orifices and IVs in both arms." I told her" before she could say anything I went on, "It is essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

I tried not to smile when I notice that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story, even the casher, and the ones waiting in line beside us.

"Did you ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned you?” she asked.

 I almost stop when I saw how horrified she looked, but the brat in me told me to go on,

"No I ended up in ICU because I ran after a cat and got hit by a car.” I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I did notice several of the people got out of line and headed to the pet area of the story including the woman behind me. Doc come up and looked puzzled.

“Is there a special on dog food?" he asked. The guy behind us then told Doc what I had said; he did not look please at all.

After we paid for our stuff Doc talked to the manager of the store, we left our cart at the service counter then we were lead to the woman dressing area I thought for sure doc had lost his mind and I was going to get it in one of the little rooms.

The manager took a hold of the intercom thing and said. "Attention Wal-mart customers, we have an announcement to make, then he handed me the intercom. With doc giving me that look I took the intercom, cleared my throat and  said, "To all those who are buying dog food to go on the Purina dog food diet, I am sorry to say it was just a joke, dog food is not made for human consumptions, it can make you sick, again I am sorry, Thank you.”  Doc nodded his head as I handed back the intercom to the manger and then we headed out to the car.

The drive home was silent. When we got home, ‘Kitchen. Now.’ was all Doc said to me, and I knew what he meant. I got out of the car and headed to the corner in the kitchen.

I have two special placed to stand one, in the corner with pants up and the other is in his den with my pants off or around my ankles. I heard him put stuff away and then I heard something drop on the table.

"Turn around and sit down." He ordered I did I came to the table and sat in front of me was a new note pad and a pen, and saw ‘I will not tell stupid joke that could hurt people.’ (100 x's) was written on the header of the first page.

I let out a breath and picked up the pen. Skeeter the kitten I had found jumped up onto my lap and then on to my shoulder and looked down at the pad, looked at me and rubbed his head against me.

I will not tell stupid joke that could hurt people.

I will not tell stupid joke that could hurt people.

I will not tell stupid joke that could hurt people.

As I was writing, Doc walked off into the hall and I heard him laugh, I knew he thought it was funny.

So if you see me standing in line better watch what you ask me and are prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.